He Disciplines Those He Loves

Since graduation from college in May 2009, my life has felt like a whirlwind. In the midst of moving out of my parent's house, finding an apartment, and getting a job, I realized that I had no idea of my true identity. Many decisions, and a stressful job started to wear on me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Soon I started making decisions in my life that put everything I held dear at risk. At first it started with a guy from work, we were not at all compatible in our beliefs, but I allowed myself to crush on him. When it all fell through, a guy from my college was interested in me, so I jumped at the hope of a possible relationship. But I never asked God if these were opportunities from Him. I just jumped in and out. As a result, my entire system shook. I had huge emotional breakdowns often. My thought patterns were jumbled and impure. Soon, my job performance was affected and my supervisor had to confront me. I continued to get deeper in depression fueled by feelings of worthlessness and loss. I did not want to talk to God, I hated getting out of bed, and I walked around with weight surrounding me.

I got to a place where I wanted things to change, so I began to look for a new job. At the same time, I began to surround myself with young adults from the church. At first, it felt so risky to let them in; would they hurt me like the boyfriends had? But God's grace and goodness met me instead. These new friends were invested in me; deep roots were formed and the love that they placed on me was overwhelming. On 11/11 (the number of new beginnings) I walked into a second job interview and got hired. I walked out ecstatic and confident that God was doing things, which was something I had not believed in a long time.

My life continues to be full of growth. Almost as though I am catching up for lost time!

Recently I sensed that God wanted me to get rid of things that were things in my house. These things reminded me of the guys I had let into my life in the recent months. He began to reveal that those items needed to be burned. I went home & bagged them up. My landlord helped me burn them all.

I realized that those items had been given to me for free. It's funny how "free things" can keep so much baggage tied onto you. When I committed to rid my life of them, God provided and extra day's pay and told me that the old self was gone. As soon as they were out of my house, I had peace! "Goodbye, things -- welcome, God!"

The ashes that came from the burning of that bag of stuff are a testimony of how God can change things. He gives us His beauty in exchange for our ashes. Joy is bubbling over in my heart! My prayer is that anything that needs to be discarded or cleansed would be revealed to me in that gentle, peaceful quiet that God brings. I love the way Papa asks you to do things EXACTLY when they are supposed to be done.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19

Allison is 23 and lives in Dillsburg with her dog, Bella. When she is not in CCC School of Ministry, she is probably watching "Pride and Prejudice".